Character Creation Challenge, Day 23: Warhamster Dungeon Adventure Game, Beta Version

 

The Warhamster Dungeon Adventure Game was a convention special for Origins 2009 and a spinoff from John Kovalic's Dork Tower comic strip, with illustrations by Kovalic himself. It's a loving but savage parody of D&D gaming tropes both in-game and at-table.

Character generation begins with a ten-question aptitude test to determine your preferred playstyle, which is then recorded in a degree certificate. Like many such tests, this one is ridiculously easy to game, but I tried to answer more or less honestly anyhow and ended up with a Bachelors in Secrecy (BS) degree. 

The next step is to assemble a party and determine your goals. I'm going to take the former as read and move on to filling in the mad-lib provided for giving some direction to the group (answers in bolded italics):

You and your intrepid companions have gathered at the Blue Rook’s Foot Tavern. At a table in the shadows of the tavern, your party gathers to discuss your next quest. Motivated by recklessness, you have formed a mighty team in hopes of amassing thrills, glory and power!

Unfortunately, this mission statement doesn't quite line up with anything on the table of Goals. Go On Tour is not too far off; when we achieve it, traveling bards will sing our praises. That will get us better Quests from our contacts and cost 5 Glory worth of McGuffins, whatever those are. Once we achieve this goal, we can set another one.

Now I have to get a Job. My BS degree should come in handy here. Looking over the qualifications, I see that Burglar, Slayer, Battle Breakdancer, Jongleur, Mudbay Lancer, Drunken Master, and Danger Chix all require or recommend a Bachelor of Secrecy. 

 

But wait, there are also Jobs available for non-Manlings! (Jobs which apparently consist entirely of being a non-Manling.)  I could be a Dwarfling, and Elfling, a Gnomeling, a Hamsterling, a Halfling, or a Quarterling! So many choices. I need to sit down for a moment, or at least read the description and statblocks for these options.

 

Okay, they had me at “sub-legal resource allocation engineer.” I shall become a Burglar!

As a Burglar I’ll have a HITS die of d4, the Powers Commit Crime, Hide & Sneak, Footpad, and Avoid Traps, the Bogie Union Rules, and the following Stat Dice:

How Attractive d4 (Straightforward enough.)

Mind d6 (Intellect and self-control)

STrength d4 (Physical power)

Extraneous d8 (Catch-all with no obvious correlation to anything)

Reflexes d10 (quickness, agility, motor skills)

 

Starting HITS are my Beef defense score (see below) plus a roll of my HITS die, so we’ll do that after we’ve figured out Defenses.

 

Union Rules limits the sort of armor I can wear and requires me to render assistance to fellow members.

 

In addition to my Job powers I am also supposed to get a Bonus Power based on my degree certificate. Unfortunately, the two powers enabled by my degree (Commit Crime, Hide & Sneak) are also on my Job list. My bad for not doing the research needed to min-max properly. Still, on the off chance that I’ll get an enhanced bonus for doubling up, I’ll take Hide & Sneak.

 

Now, about Powers, here’s what they do:

 

Avoid Trap is based on my Reflex die; when the “dice Master” springs a trap on me, I can roll to avoid the effects.

 

Commit Crime uses different stats based on the circumstances; I can employ it for breaking and entering, fraud, forgery, theft, obstruction of justice, conspiracy to violate civil rights, or pretty much any other non-violent felony on the books.

 

Footpad is for moving quietly, which would seem to overlap considerably with Hide & Sneak, but mechanically it grants a bonus die to actions involving hiding or sneaking.

 

Hide & Sneak involves a Reflex roll against the Smarts defense of the person(s) I’m trying to fool. Because of Footpad, I’ll get a bonus die on this.

(There appears to be no bonus for doubling up. Oh, boo.)

 

Ooh, more customizing! I get to upgrade one of my Stat dice! I feel like shoring up a weakness is a good idea—either STrength or How Attractive. Either can be used to Commit Crimes, but STrength is going to be used in hand-to-hand combat, and I expect to see a lot of that even if I’ll want my buddies to carry the brunt of it. So let’s boost ST to a d6.

 

Now it’s time to figure Defenses. There’s a corresponding Defense for each Stat die, a fixed number that’s ½ the die value plus your level (1, in my case).

 

Luck (HA)= 3

Smarts (M) = 4

Beef (ST) = 4

Couch (E) = 5

Armor (R) = 6

OK, so it's time to roll HITS. Beef 4 plus 1 on the die = 5 HITS. That’s not great; one more reason to stay out of the thick of fighting.

 

All, right, now it’s time to go shopping for some gear. AFAICT, the rules don’t allow me to employ my Burglar skills on this portion of character generation, so I’m going to have to spend some money. That starting fundage is 25 Gold Coins times my Luck defense (3). So Let’s see what 75 monetary units will buy me.

 

Weapons are the first list in this section, but I’ll want to make sure I have the tools of my trade before I start spending money on that. A Lockpick set costs 15. Leather Armor (the best Union Rules will permit) costs 30 and adds 1 to my Armor score. For weapons, my choices are limited because most of the good ones require either the Cool Weapons or Ranged Weapons power, neither of which fall within my job description. I'll settle for a Little Sword for 15 and a couple of Daggers for 5 each. That's 70 GC spent so far; I'll spend the last 5 on a Backpack to keep my stuff in.

 

Since I’m out of starting funds, I guess I can move on to Finishing Touches. These are all left up to my imagination, but the designers do provide a random name generation table in case you’re stuck. I’ll give it a shot: 12 for the first part = “Star-;” 11 for the second gives me “-Ted.” I don’t think I want a character named “Star-Ted,” so like Carson in the rules document example I’m going to ignore that and come up with something else: “Kelvin the Uncatchable.” I don’t feel like I need a lot more detail for dungeon-crawling, so I’m going to leave it at that.

 

So, let’s put it all together in a stat block:

 

Name: Kelvin the Uncatchable

Certificate: Bachelor of Secrecy (BS)

Job: Burglar    Level: 1           Bogie: Union Rules

HITS die: d4     HITS: 5

Attribute         Defense

HA: d4             Luck: 3

M: d6               Smarts: 4

ST: d6              Beef: 4

E: d8                Couch: 5

R: d10              Armor: 6

Job Powers:  Avoid Trap, Commit Crime, Footpad, Hide & Sneak

Bonus Power: Hide & Sneak

Gear: Lockpicks, 2 daggers, Little Sword, Leather Armor, Backpack